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Thoughts of a Brokenhearted

Love, like so many things in my life is a changing concept. Lately though, love for me has taken on a horrible spin. All it took was one phone call from a friend who told me my boyfriend has finally decided to leave me for her!

In a moment, my world crushed to pieces. A dark cloud enveloped my whole being.
Suddenly love became nothing but a dangerous game where everybody wins except me. I thought of it as a fraud, which brings momentary happiness, but in truth will just lead one to unbearable suffering.

For quite a long time, I allowed myself to be swallowed by dark emotions. I spent my days in a quandary and my nights in tears. It felt like nothing would ever be the same again. I desperately wanted my life back to normal.

But I struggled to get out of that mess. “No one can hurt me without my consent,” I constantly reminded myself. I surrounded myself with supportive and pleasant people; friends, family, even strangers, anybody who cared. I started joining organizations; concentrate in my studies, I even started a new hobby. I practically did everything that would keep my mind off it. I was willing to try anything and anybody just to hear myself say, “I finally got over it.”

But, everything I've tried relieved me only for a while. The pain remains as real as the air I breathe! I still feel weak. But it's a blessing to finally have the strength to admit that at present, I am not in control of my emotions. Time will heal all these wounds. Just wait, be practical and as time passes by, the pain will go, for pain is the breaking of the shell which encloses our understanding.

Just the other day, I found myself thinking about the four-letter word, hoping to grasp its significance in my life. It was a fruitless attempt. Love is something I don't need: something I'm better off without and the more I think about it, the more absurd and pathetic it seemed to me.

I closed my eyes and in surrender, I let the word love dominate my thoughts. Gradually, an array of emotions represented by colors formed in my mind. It was a heavenly sight, like a melted, multi flavored icing. There were all sorts of colors imaginable, constantly mixing, hues and tones. Changing every second as it goes round and round; getting wider as it beats and moves to an invisible rhythm that is both soothing and slow. It was easy to be lured by its splendor. But it was a trap. One stare too long and the images haunt your every waking moment.

After a while every reason which drawn you to it fades. Its magnificence ceases and all that’s left is making you dizzy and numb. It becomes art in its gruesome form, losing both its essence and style.

I opened my eyes, half torn, and half relieved but smiling, assured by the faith that all is part of the healing process. Recovery, without even exerting any effort will come sooner than I expect, at a time when experiencing it doesn’t matter anymore. It won’t be long till my whole life light up…beauty and happiness in all sorts of shades…

Taken from: Swirling Thoughts

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